Do I not fit in?

                                                       You know I have been open and out about my sexuality, learned and observed a number of different things about my community, but it still baffles me that our own community is still so small minded and competitive for no reason. I recently lost about 15 lbs and its funny how I now get more attention from my own community. I mean people seem to have more of an interest in me since I loss a few lbs. Now I know this story isn't one of ground breaking news or uncommon of a person to share but I feel it is my duty to bring more awareness about things that concern me about our community. I would like to know when and where did gay men feel it was okay to judge each other based upon our appearance/stance? I may get a lot of heat from this but I feel it is worse in the black gay community. I feel as if it's all a competition for most people, trying to get the finest, sexiest, richest man out there. Once you do find that special someone who fits everything you think you wanted, most realize that these men feel they have so many other options that they need not be tied down to one person, even if this one person does everything they possibly can to keep the opposite happy. All that time they spent turning the "less attractive" and/or heavier guys down who would have kept them happy, they choose to take the superficial route and end up with a man who has had his thrill and is now on to the next. Those same people who choose these sexy men and are now unhappy in there own lives will put on such a front and a mask while out in public and still have the nerve to talk about others appearances as if they are not even worthy to be apart of the "Elite" gay community. Am I loosing my mind or is this what our next generation will have to use as their text books and study guides? If so, then we have so much more work to do. I would love to see the day, especially in Atlanta when all walks of gay life that being heavy, built, White, Spanish, Asian, and Black can all coexist in the same party scenes and social settings. Is this dream unrealistic?

I would really love to hear from anyone who feels like I am loosing my mind or from people who agree with me